I'm adopted. Yeah, that's what I'll tell people.
Today has been....Plain odd. So, let me start on why it has been odd.
Mikele.
On Sunday, I went out walking. Of course, I am a teen so my cellphone was glued to my hand while I was doing it. I texted him, complaining about how cold it was and then informed him that he should come warm me up. I meant it in jest, but he took it totally serious. I figured, hey, he's cute, so if he wants to come over here and warm me up.... Hell yeah!
Now, don't get me wrong. There is a difference between flirting and sex. I'm looking for a good guy to be with, not a little screw toy. I made that very clear to him to. I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just laying down the boundaries in our flirting.
Well, I got all my makeup on, begged mom, convinced mom, and was just about to walk out the door. Right as we were getting ready to leave, he text me and said that he couldn't make it.
I was frustrated. I mean, I had gotten myself excited. A really cute dude wanted to come over and focus his attention on me? Moi? Uh, hell yeah! Also, eyeliner is expensive, okay?
Come morning, I text him and let him know just how expensive eyeliner is. I had thought about deleting his number, but I didn't. A little background information about Mikele.
He hasn't tried to hit on me for real, he just responds well to when I flirt with him. He's actually pretty polite to me. He doesn't text much so it's not common for him to answers his messages. He was also in a relationship and lying about it. His explanation is that she told him to so that's what they did. I know for a fact that it was an open relationship, but still...I didn't like that he lied about it.
So, you can see why I was tempted to delete his number when he was a no show?
It's not that he doesn't show when he says he will. He's actually pretty good about coming when he says that he will.
It's because of all that. Combine all of that with my bad self-esteem and painful shyness and it's just a jerk of a combo.
Regardless, I texted him and let him know how much eyeliner cost. I'm a sucker for cute dudes, and he's a skater dude? ;-; Spare me the, 'you can do better' and 'you're stupid' lecture, okay?
If all else fails, I can just keep him as a friend.
He apologized and I asked him how he was going to make up for it.
He offered a foot rub.
What girl in her right mind would say no to that?
Well, maybe a girl that doesn't like her feet touched, is insecure about her feet, or just doesn't like them. That aside, I sure wasn't going to say no to that.
He asked me to plan a day for him to come over and do that. Well, I don't like to put things off. It's not just like that with boys, I'm like that with all events. I'm really not a patient person.
I kind of tested the water by saying that I should make him come today because I was on that side of town and I'd probably have to come get him anyway.
He took the bait.
So, we talked about it a bit and decided that he would come over tonight. When we finally got it all down, he text me and let me know that he could stay the night.
I was just hoping for a movie that he could keep me warm during with cuddles and a foot massage, not an all night thing.
I don't know him that well. I mean, we've only hung out maybe like four times if even that?
(Which is weird because I was talking about not wearing anything but jeans an he remembered the first time he came over, me running from my room to the bathroom in shorts. I didn't even remember that. Kudos for memory, kudos.)
Anyway, I told him that I would talk to mom about it. Luckily, he told me that he actually couldn't spend the night.
That was chill with me. I'm trying to take this slow, temptation aside, okay?
I have to keep reminding myself that sex is easy to find, relationships are not.
Sooooo....
I got back home and around nine something, he was here. I was super nervous before he got here and almost thought about cancelling. I've never been so nervous about a guy coming over before, but usually when guys that I like come over, they hit on me. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
We made out way to the living room and him and mom started to talk. We ended up sitting on separate couches and I started playing on my laptop and cellphone, not really sure what to say.
I can flirt and be tough through text, but I'm shy in person. I'm a BIG girl and it's hard to build up the confidence. I'm also very aware of how my body is moving at all times when I'm around a guy that I like. It gets better when I'm with them for awhile, but like I said, I don't know him well.
I asked him about the foot massage around ten. Despite the original heck yeah about it, I had lost interest and was more curious if he would actually kept his word. He said something on the lines of, well you're all the way over there. I told him that he could join me and he changed the subject.
Then, around eleven, I texted and asked him about it. His response was, "When am I staying the night?"
Wait...Why did dude have to stay the night to give me a foot massage? That was not in our original terms. I let him know that to.
Apparently, he wants to wait until he spends the night to cuddle and give me a foot massage.
Call me paranoid, but with the things that I already know about him, I can't help but wonder about his intentions.
Staying the night...Cuddling, probably watching a movie, and a foot massage. It's not too hard to let hands wander. Cuddling on the couch in front of my mom and giving me the foot massage there, that's not possible.
Now, I don't want to assume that is the reason because I can't prove it, but I do think that I need to be aware that it could be possible.
I decided to take the route that I usually would though. I informed him that I felt like it was an excuse, which I did not feel that way in the slightest, but does that matter?
I'm trying to break my shyness and I know that I would usually feel that way so I said it.
Hell, I've been breaking my shyness a lot around him because it's the only way to make any progress.
He told me that wasn't it, he just wants more time from when we spend the night.
Okay...
Oh, mom has a theory about it to. Mom is savvy on everything. Her theory is that he didn't want to do all of that in front of her. A good theory and possible, but I doubt it.
So, onto the rest of the story...I'm throwing a small Halloween bonfire on Wednesday. I haven't invited too many people because I didn't want it to be very big, but it came up with Mikele somehow.
Mom chewed me out after he left for talking about it and not inviting him. I was pretty much then manhandled into inviting him. I did and he said that he'll probably come.
Another reason that I didn't invite him is because I don't want my friends hitting on him. I know, that's shallow, but there are two other reasons.
Another one is the amount of gay guys that I have coming and I know from experience that they will try to come on to him and make him gay. He's not going to take that well. The ones that would stop if I said I like him, will probably blab that to him.
He knows that I think he's cute, I've admitted that, but I haven't told him that I like him. In fact, I've been telling him that I don't want to date him. A bit....Okay, a lot contradictory to my goal, but I'm complicated like that.
Also, it came around to him spending the night again. Mom is totally okay with this, in fact, it seems like she encourages it. -,-
I think she's trying to live precariously through me because she's admitted to liking dude to. Yes, he's so cute that my mom wants a piece to.
Come Wednesday, he's going to spend the night here... It's going to be really hard to behave if he tries to tempt me. I think it's about fifty/fifty.
I may just make a few moves and then look him in the eye and tell him that I'm done, it's his move and game now...If I still have the guts when it comes to that. I wonder how that will work..
Anyway...So yeah...That's how that went.
Don't forget that Wednesday is Halloween. I don't have a costume... Mom is insistent that I wear something cute. He doesn't want to kiss an ugly costume. -,-
I have no idea what I'll be or if I even dress up.
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