Early Morning Thoughts

I couldn't sleep tonight so I made the choice to stay up all night. I'm not tired, I'm sure I will be later, but that's okay.
Maybe I'll actually be able to sleep when Mikele's here.
I decided to power through the last few episodes of Toradora, which if you don't know is a romance comedy. It's pretty good but it kind of jaded me out.
I miss being with someone and being in love. Yeah, I know that I'm seventeen and that I have plenty of time. I get that, but still...I can't help but feel this way.
I started thinking about Mikele. Yeah, he's great and all, but I know that I'm trying to use him as a filler for what I had.
You see, I dated a guy named Jamie for nine months two years ago...I really cared about him. I've dated several guys, had them take me places and make me smile, even had them admit that they loved me, but none of them stuck with me like Jamie did. I dated these guys before and after him so he wasn't my first or last. Why then does he keep sticking out to me?
He cheated on me so many times, he made me cry constantly, and he left me for my best friend at the time who is now pregnant. I want to be happy for her, but I can't help but a bit resentful. I really cared about him. All the times that I saw him, I was filled with this happiness that made me feel like the entire world wanted me to smile.
It sounds mopey, I know. I'm seventeen, about to be eighteen. I'm too young to be in love. That's what I want to tell myself but I can't help it. I really feel like I loved him. Ever since then, there has been this little emptiness. When I think about him, I feel like crying. Even when I'm with a guy, I don't have that happiness and I want to find someone who will give it to me.
I shouldn't be relying on others to make me happy. I know that, but it's just how I feel.
Even now, a guy who likes me and wants to be with me just texted me. He's such a great guy. He treats me like a queen and makes me smile, but it's not who I want...
I feel like such a brat right now. Heh, complaining and dwelling on some guy who never cared about me.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy. I'm really excited about this afternoon, getting to take my little girl trick-or-treating and spending the night with guy person. I'm happy all the time, my life is fantastic, but I can't help but feel sad sometimes.

I Swear That I'm Japanese

I'm adopted. Yeah, that's what I'll tell people.
Today has been....Plain odd. So, let me start on why it has been odd.
Mikele.
On Sunday, I went out walking. Of course, I am a teen so my cellphone was glued to my hand while I was doing it. I texted him, complaining about how cold it was and then informed him that he should come warm me up. I meant it in jest, but he took it totally serious. I figured, hey, he's cute, so if he wants to come over here and warm me up.... Hell yeah!
Now, don't get me wrong. There is a difference between flirting and sex. I'm looking for a good guy to be with, not a little screw toy. I made that very clear to him to. I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just laying down the boundaries in our flirting.
Well, I got all my makeup on, begged mom, convinced mom, and was just about to walk out the door. Right as we were getting ready to leave, he text me and said that he couldn't make it.
I was frustrated. I mean, I had gotten myself excited. A really cute dude wanted to come over and focus his attention on me? Moi? Uh, hell yeah! Also, eyeliner is expensive, okay?
Come morning, I text him and let him know just how expensive eyeliner is. I had thought about deleting his number, but I didn't. A little background information about Mikele.
He hasn't tried to hit on me for real, he just responds well to when I flirt with him. He's actually pretty polite to me. He doesn't text much so it's not common for him to answers his messages. He was also in a relationship and lying about it. His explanation is that she told him to so that's what they did. I know for a fact that it was an open relationship, but still...I didn't like that he lied about it.
So, you can see why I was tempted to delete his number when he was a no show?
It's not that he doesn't show when he says he will. He's actually pretty good about coming when he says that he will.
It's because of all that. Combine all of that with my bad self-esteem and painful shyness and it's just a jerk of a combo.
Regardless, I texted him and let him know how much eyeliner cost. I'm a sucker for cute dudes, and he's a skater dude? ;-; Spare me the, 'you can do better' and 'you're stupid' lecture, okay?
If all else fails, I can just keep him as a friend.
He apologized and I asked him how he was going to make up for it.
He offered a foot rub.
What girl in her right mind would say no to that?
Well, maybe a girl that doesn't like her feet touched, is insecure about her feet, or just doesn't like them. That aside, I sure wasn't going to say no to that.
He asked me to plan a day for him to come over and do that. Well, I don't like to put things off. It's not just like that with boys, I'm like that with all events. I'm really not a patient person.
I kind of tested the water by saying that I should make him come today because I was on that side of town and I'd probably have to come get him anyway.
He took the bait.
So, we talked about it a bit and decided that he would come over tonight. When we finally got it all down, he text me and let me know that he could stay the night.
I was just hoping for a movie that he could keep me warm during with cuddles and a foot massage, not an all night thing.
I don't know him that well. I mean, we've only hung out maybe like four times if even that?
(Which is weird because I was talking about not wearing anything but jeans an he remembered the first time he came over, me running from my room to the bathroom in shorts. I didn't even remember that. Kudos for memory, kudos.)
Anyway, I told him that I would talk to mom about it. Luckily, he told me that he actually couldn't spend the night.
That was chill with me. I'm trying to take this slow, temptation aside, okay?
I have to keep reminding myself that sex is easy to find, relationships are not.
Sooooo....
I got back home and around nine something, he was here. I was super nervous before he got here and almost thought about cancelling. I've never been so nervous about a guy coming over before, but usually when guys that I like come over, they hit on me. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
We made out way to the living room and him and mom started to talk. We ended up sitting on separate couches and I started playing on my laptop and cellphone, not really sure what to say.
I can flirt and be tough through text, but I'm shy in person. I'm a BIG girl and it's hard to build up the confidence. I'm also very aware of how my body is moving at all times when I'm around a guy that I like. It gets better when I'm with them for awhile, but like I said, I don't know him well.
I asked him about the foot massage around ten. Despite the original heck yeah about it, I had lost interest and was more curious if he would actually kept his word. He said something on the lines of, well you're all the way over there. I told him that he could join me and he changed the subject.
Then, around eleven, I texted and asked him about  it. His response was, "When am I staying the night?"
Wait...Why did dude have to stay the night to give me a foot massage? That was not in our original terms. I let him know that to.
Apparently, he wants to wait until he spends the night to cuddle and give me a foot massage.
Call me paranoid, but with the things that I already know about him, I can't help but wonder about his intentions.
Staying the night...Cuddling, probably watching a movie, and a foot massage. It's not too hard to let hands wander. Cuddling on the couch in front of my mom and giving me the foot massage there, that's not possible.
Now, I don't want to assume that is the reason because I can't prove it, but I do think that I need to be aware that it could be possible.
I decided to take the route that I usually would though. I informed him that I felt like it was an excuse, which I did not feel that way in the slightest, but does that matter?
I'm trying to break my shyness and I know that I would usually feel that way so I said it.
Hell, I've been breaking my shyness a lot around him because it's the only way to make any progress.
He told me that wasn't it, he just wants more time from when we spend the night.
Okay...
Oh, mom has a theory about it to. Mom is savvy on everything. Her theory is that he didn't want to do all of that in front of her. A good theory and possible, but I doubt it.
So, onto the rest of the story...I'm throwing a small Halloween bonfire on Wednesday. I haven't invited too many people because I didn't want it to be very big, but it came up with Mikele somehow.
Mom chewed me out after he left for talking about it and not inviting him. I was pretty much then manhandled into inviting him. I did and he said that he'll probably come.
Another reason that I didn't invite him is because I don't want my friends hitting on him. I know, that's shallow, but there are two other reasons.
Another one is the amount of gay guys that I have coming and I know from experience that they will try to come on to him and make him gay. He's not going to take that well. The ones that would stop if I said I like him, will probably blab that to him.
He knows that I think he's cute, I've admitted that, but I haven't told him that I like him. In fact, I've been telling him that I don't want to date him. A bit....Okay, a lot contradictory to my goal, but I'm complicated like that.
Also, it came around to him spending the night again. Mom is totally okay with this, in fact, it seems like she encourages it. -,-
I think she's trying to live precariously through me because she's admitted to liking dude to. Yes, he's so cute that my mom wants a piece to.
Come Wednesday, he's going to spend the night here... It's going to be really hard to behave if he tries to tempt me. I think it's about fifty/fifty.
I may just make a few moves and then look him in the eye and tell him that I'm done, it's his move and game now...If I still have the guts when it comes to that. I wonder how that will work..
Anyway...So yeah...That's how that went.
Don't forget that Wednesday is Halloween. I don't have a costume... Mom is insistent that I wear something cute. He doesn't want to kiss an ugly costume. -,-
I have no idea what I'll be or if I even dress up.

Weight Loss

So, I decided that I need to lose weight. I'm going to give it my best try. I'll start with exercise first, then I'll worry about my diet. I'm going to walk every night for a minimum of thirty minutes, which at my weight, is a good thing. I already walk home from school and that takes about twenty to thirty minutes.
To keep it from getting boring, I'll carry my laptop and watch anime. Since I live in a circle that is like a track, I don't have to worry about watching for traffic.
I also tagged some of my friends on Facebook and told them that they need to come over more often to practice some dances we've been learning and just chill. Tonight, I'm going to try and walk around the park with some friends.
Oh, I've also started drinking a lot of water to boost my metabolism and keep me from eating as much.
It's making me pee a lot, but I'll get used to it eventually.
Wish me luck.

Shocking Pokemon Things

Here's a list of Pokemon things that you probably didn't know.^-^

1. The green sprite for Hitmonchan looks like a Togekiss watching Doduo taking a poo.

Picture taken from this site.








2. Pokemon are mutated animals. They caught Pokerus, which came from outer space and changed normal animals into Pokemon. (Hold on to your Pokemon dreams.... If I don't kill them first.)

3.Pokemon ARE eaten. Everyone knows about Team Rocket cutting off Slowpoke's tail and selling them as food. What about episode 49 when the Pokedex tells Ash, ""Farfetch'd, a Wild Duck Pokémon. Farfetch'd makes a delicious meal, especially when cooked with leek."
It's mentioned that Oak considers eating Ash's Krabby. 

4. Pokemon have been used as war weapons. In the movie, Lucario & the Mystery of Mew talks about them being used as weapons. Imagine the painful ways to die.

5. Mount Silver is based off of Mount Fiji. A mountain where people go to commit suicide. This is where you find Red at the top of the mountain...What is he doing there? 

6. The Old Chateau has ghosts. This is fact. You encounter the ghost of a little girl and butler in the game. However, the tumor comes from a theory of how they died. You find an old gateau and an antidote in the trash. It's rumored that someone poisoned the two with the gateau, cake, and threw out the antidote. 

7. Burned Tower in Johto is supposed to be the skeleton of a 100 foot Bellsprout

8. In DP, if you evolve your starter before you catch anything, you can't move on in the game. This is because the game believes that you have the Pokedex. 

9. Azurill can change genders when it evolves. Yeah.... You read that right. 

10. Contrary to popular belief, Spirtomb is NOT the only Pokemon that doesn't have a move super effective against it. Sableye does. However, if you use Odor Sleuth, it makes fighting moves effective against them. 

Tempermental Issues

Ugh, these past two days I have felt like I'm going to explode. I feel bad at the same time because I have snapped at some people that I shouldn't have. I did put a public warning on Facebook but that doesn't justify it...
Yesterday was the worse, but today feels like it could get bad.
I got to school yesterday and had issues with the same damn teacher that gets on my nerves every time. I hate to say this because it makes me feel bad, but I kind of can't help but wondering if he's a little bit racist. He doesn't yell at anyone or take anything up from anyone but me and this other girl. We're the only two white kids in his class. Well, there is a Mexican, but he's not white. XD
And yes, racism does go both ways, but these days, I'd like to imagine that it's not racism.
It just doesn't feel right to call anyone racist or sexist even though there are some people like that.
I don't know...
But anyway, I've already been quirked at this teacher. When my mom was in the hospital, he took up my phone knowing that I wouldn't be able to get it back because my mom couldn't leave the ER to come get it. My phone was just lying on my desk, not even being used.
That wouldn't bother me because it's his job. You see a phone, you take it.
What does bother me about it though is that he took me phone, but when another girl actually gets on her phone in the middle of class in front of him, he doesn't take it. He also hasn't taken the phones that have gone of in class and there have been about three. I can't forget the boy that listens to music every day in class and doesn't get in trouble when the entire classroom can hear his music.
Okay, maybe the kid has some weird doctor's note that lets him...I doubt it though.
Then there is the way that he talks to me. He's always yelling at me and talking to me like he looks down on me. Then he yells at me for not joining in the class discussion about football. I don't know anything about football. How come you're not getting on to the other kids? There are other kids than me and the other white girl that aren't talking.
Yesterday, he made me rewrite the same assignment twice.
Apparently we write the questions.
Okay... I'm absent a lot due to having caught phemonia and two deaths.

You must have told us when I was absent. That's fine... You don't have to take a tone with me though when I'm saying yes sir.
He was acting like I don't listen when I simply haven't been here. And guys, don't say that you've been back a few days so you must know by now. I've done some work but he'd never said anything to me then and we don't do much work. If he had said anything, I would have listened.
I took the paper back and wrote the questions on the back. When I took the paper back up to him, he yelled at me, saying that "the questions come first, then the answers."
He had me write the paper again...I had to do other work and here I was writing the paper over again. To me, it felt like I was being punished for being absent after a family friend had died.
I came to learn, not copy my work. >.>
The bell rang before I was done so I got my grade marked off which is absolutely joyous... I did the work, I just couldn't write fast enough.
Of course he was rude about that to.
Today he was pretty rude, but he left me alone for the most part which was nice.
Yesterday I also got tempermental because my friend William kept blowing my phone up constantly about Pokemon.
If you've read any of my blog entries, you probably know that I'm a huge Pokemon fan.
However, it was extra annoying because he kept talking about battling and wanting to tell me the plot.
I was and still am absolutely against learning the plot. This is one of the first times that I can't afford a Pokemon game as soon as it came out so I've never had the plot spoiled.
I would be furious and he kept going off about it. Eventually I snapped off at him.
He's really sensitive so I felt terrible about it even though he seemed fine. I'm going to have to talk to him about it.
The next reason I'm temperamental is because my teacher has had me for three years now. You would think that having me two hours a day for three years, she would know me by now. That's not including all the other things outside of school I have done with her and this class.
Apparently not though.
Every week, we have this thing called workshop. Someone gives us their work on Friday and by Thursday, we have it critiqued and go over it with them. We didn't do it Thursday and I wasn't here Friday so I had to do it yesterday. I sat her down and talked to her about how she didn't proof read it and her one page took me an hour and a half to go over. Then I told her about how good the idea is but how hard it was to read.
That's what the teacher told me to do because I had torn it up so bad on paper, I went to the teacher and told her that I didn't feel comfortable workshopping it.
The vice prinicple told my teacher I had called her work "crap". I would never!
I could see where workshop would look mean because her work is being corrected, especially one that hadn't even been proofread and had a lot of corrections, but I would never say that it was crap.
She was there when I got my first workshop and it almost left me in tears. I've come to her several times to warn her that I was worried workshop would get carried away and every time I have been right. I've also talked to the students and warned them that workshop is harsh the first time, but it doesn't mean their work is bad. Everyone knows that I'm the most gentle workshopper in the class...

Anime &....More Anime

I'm trying to finish the movie for the Haruhi Suzumiya series in between classes. I will finish this movie today!
I've managed to watch the Melancholy, season one and season two. It's pretty good though.
I don't know what to move on to next.
Lucky Star, Aizomio Dango (or whatever it is), or the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya-Chan.
I'll probably check out the last one, maybe the first... I don't know..
I think I'll be a little sad when I finish this series because it's been really good. It will be neat to know that the voice actor for Haruhi voices someone in Lucky Star.
Maybe by the next time I go to a con, I'll know who half of the character are.
I already know the Inuyasha, Trigun, Soul Eater, Naruto, Bleach, Sailor Moon, and several other characters are.
Mainly those really popular ones.
I would have to say that the Melancholy is certainly one of my favorites right now. <3

Oh, this reminds me that I need to watch the World Series of Hetalia.

The Phenomenal Parents

My parents are weird...I think that they're both pretty bi-polar. Actually, I'm certain of it.
Last night was one of my mom's good nights though. She gets weird on her good nights and we end up doing weird, but fun things. Like...Driving two hours to see my boyfriend, skipping school to eat pizza at the park, and throw bonfires.
Last night, mom cleaned out the pantry. Mom hoards can goods so when she was done, she had a nice little cache of can goods.
We went to a meeting with some concerned parents about the school board and what we want to do about it, then we went and visited a friend who had lost his partner, and lastly, we went to Wendy's for ice cream.
Mom is also cheap, have I mentioned that? Mainly because we're broke. She loves when Halloween comes around because Wednesday sells coupon books for a dollar that allow you to get ten free mini frostys. She'll buy one of those and then order a butt load of frostys. We did that last night and while eating our frostys, we started talking.
I jokingly said that we should stack a pyramid of can goods in front of our neighbor's door...She took it for real.
Well, come around 1 AM, we did just that. XD We didn't get caught either. It was pretty funny.
After that, it was a little hard to get her out of my room though. She kept coming in to sit on my bed and talk, but I was tired.
Plus, I had to get up at seven so that I could get up for school today.

Worst Date Ever & Monday Blues

Ugh, I can't believe that it is Monday already. It doesn't feel like it... I really don't feel like being here for five days....I guess you have to do what you have to do.
I already missed four days of school last week due to being really sick and a family friend dying.
My luck is ridiculous lately.
You know what, I bet that I would get more views if I posted pictures to make my writing more comical. Kind of like Hyperbole&aHalf.
Neh....I don't know how to draw them online though. I totally would if I knew how.

Oh look at that...It's the reason that I hate mornings and Mondays. An assignment in Entrepreneurship...The teacher tells us to summarize the chapter and then puts the summary on the board. After I summarize it, I find out that I was supposed to copy the summary.
Where is the learning in that? How is that summarizing the chapter? That's copying a paragraph. Then you yell at me for it... Sorry that I would like something that at least resembles real work...
Well, I do go to an Alabama school. >..>
Yes, today is my bitching day.

So, yesterday...
Yesterday was a fail in the worst sense of the word.
I've known this guy for about three years.. We dated like two months out of those years and he was super sweet when we dated. We went out and did things together and enjoyed each other's company.
Well, he was the one that I was talking about not showing up. He came today and I decided to go with him.
We went to the park and while there, all he wanted to do was sit on a bench and come on to me. I convinced him to get up and we decided to go to a movie. He did the same thing there for awhile until he got rejected enough and finally just cuddled me during the movie.
I did enjoy that part.
During the movie, my friend, Nyja, called me. She wanted to see if I could find a ride for her homeboy Justin if she gave gas money.
I asked dude, yes, he shall be called dude. I don't like slandering people's names...Unless I really hate them, so Dude will now be the one that I'm complaining about. If he sees this post, he'll know who I'm talking about.
Dude said sure, that would be okay. We looked up the address and that's when the bitching started.
I felt bad to. I kept telling him that he didn't have to do it. He insisted though... So hell, if he agreed to it and even insisted, why was he bitching at me like I was forcing him to do it?
When we got to Nyja's house, she gave him the gas money and we went to go get her friend. To make matters, and the bitching, worse....Justin lived in Athens...A fourty minute drive.
At this point, I told Dude that I'd rather not go all that way, but he insisted again.
Bitched most of the way there.
When we picked up Justin, he stopped complaining but seemed to pick up some guy ego thing.
Yeah...He started to curse every other word.
I was really getting annoyed of it.. I mean, obviously I don't mind cursing but when you're saying fuck EVERY other word...I do mind that.
Finally we got back to Nyja's...We went into the house because she left it open for us. Dude and I started cuddling on the couch. That's all it was. Cuddling, I swear.
When Nyja got back, she shepherded everyone into her other dude's car. I don't know that guy's name so we'll just call him Guy.
Stay with me here, okay?
Apparently Guy had rented a hotel room. Yeah.. I thought that was pretty chill. We spread out in the living room of the hotel room and started watching TV. Usually I would drink with Nyja, but I didn't want to be doing all of that when Dude had to drive. I just didn't find it fair to him. It didn't stop him for smoking a blunt with them, knowing that I hate those kind of things around me. It seems that Dude also picked up smoking. Which sucked...He dragged me outside with all of them on his smoking break where I latched onto him because of how cold it was. The only nice thing that he did was give me his jacket then, which I promptly returned to him as soon as we got back in. That is one thing that I like about him, even though it annoys me..He wants me by his side. He couldn't even get gas without me walking in with him and waiting by the pump while he pumped it. <3
When we got back in, he didn't say much which was fine. He had to be home by 11 so I told Guy that we needed to go back to his car by 8 because I wanted some time alone with him. Not like that! Maybe..
Turns out that we had to take Justin back home. >.>
We finally got back to my house and I invited him. We went to my room to chill and talk.
Oh my gosh, I almost kicked him out of my house!
He came in my room and started talking about everything in my room, insulting stuff. He literally was judging every bit of my room.. In an insulting way!
On top of that, we have roaches.... I know that's nasty but I can't really do anything about it. I was born there and raised there. I need help from both of my parents to get rid of them and even then, it's expensive and hard.
I understand being bothered by them, but there was no reason for him to be as rude about them as he was. I was almost in tears by the time I walked him out. He just wouldn't stop.  

The Haunting Of The Creepy Pasta

So, I know that I already did my entry tonight...Kind of. Technically it's Sunday.
Who cares though...?
I write this for me, not anyone that may or probably doesn't read it.

A family friend passed away not too long ago and my mom and I just found out recently. My parents went to go visit her mate and stay up with him for awhile, drinking coffee like she used to do. I thought that they'd be back by now, but apparently not.
That's fine though.
It's not too painfully uncommon for me to be left home alone because I am almost eighteen.

I don't do drugs and it's very rare for me to have someone over just because I prefer to go out.

Anyway, I like to read creepy pastas. I even have an entry that goes into details about a lot of Pokemon creepypasta. It's time like this that they decide to haunt you.
It doesn't help that my dog is acting weird.
Okay, it's not acting. My dog IS weird.

I woke up and decided to check my Facebook. While I was on the computer, my dog jumped up and kept pawing at my leg, whining, and wouldn't leave me alone! Oh my gosh, it's super annoying. >..>
He does it when my door is closed and he wants out. Sometimes, very rarely, he'll do it when he wants me to hold him.
I eventually caved, got my laptop, and made my way to the bed with the assumption that he would jump in bed and join me.
That wasn't what he wanted. I still don't know what he wanted, but he's walking around and staring at stuff. >.>
I'm easily freaked out sometimes, okay? I believe in ghosts. Don't judge me.

SMFH 4 Guys Right Now

Ugh, I'm just so frustrated right now. I got in a big fight with an ex of mine. We have still been friends.... Kind of. He messages me randomly when he feels like it and I message him when I'm bored. We barely hang out, maybe once every few months.
All the same, I still kind of like him. I can't help that. He was my first real boyfriend.
When I say real, I mean that we actually did things together, kissed, and people recognized us as a couple.
I had other guys, but they weren't real boyfriends. We went places and said we were dating, but it wasn't recognized for real.
Does that make sense?

Anyway!
We got in a fight because he keeps promising to come see me but he never does. Last week, he said he was going to come see me today so I set aside my Saturday for him.
He called me at eight in the morning....I am NOT a morning person so calling me that soon is NOT cool. Not cool at all.
He kept calling and texting until my vibrating phone woke me up, then he insisted that he couldn't text so I had to call him.
Eventually I caved and did just that.
He said that he couldn't come see me until four. I was pretty chill with that. I figured that  I would just sleep until two. Come two, I would get up to clean my room and then get ready.
Well, it's six thirty and he's not here!
Why?
I asked my mom if she was still cool with him coming over.
She said no.

I hate when my mom catches on to things before me by the way.
She's a mom. She's supposed to think that kids are innocent. Hell, if I don't catch on, she shouldn't.

Anyway, I told him that if we hung out that we would have to go somewhere else .
He seemed to have lost interest then...
He's willingly come when I ask to go to a dark movie theater, come to my house, and places like that....But we can't go to the park?

I guess I was already questioning him because he was always trying to talk dirty and grabbing on me, but I didn't want to accept where his intentions were.
He wasn't like that when we were dating.
Anyway, he asked if we could chill tomorrow knowing that we're both busy people. I told him no. I had already made plans.
I had set aside my entire day for him. He better be damn lucky that I didn't waste my expensive eyeliner for him or I'd be hella mad.
Oh, the reason that he didn't want to come see me today was that I have plans with someone else tonight for a short while. He said that he wanted an entire day with me....
If that was the case, how come you wanted to go to a festival until four?
That is NOT an entire day. I'm sorry that my plans at eleven tonight ruin your entire day with me.

Maybe I'm just overreacting because I'm already aggravated with all the dudes that have been trying to get into my pants lately. 

It's The Victim's Fault

.......Said no one ever!
Oh, yeah....Wait a moment.

That was Wardyinski's defense in tonight's school board meeting. Kids may get raped, beaten, even killed, but it's not our problem! It's their fault! Why is it their fault?
Because they aren't where they're supposed to be.

Umm....The cases that we were talking about involved a girl leaving an after-school activity, a girl with permission to go to the restroom, and a girl that was bullied in gym.
I'm a little lost at what he means..
I thought that I was supposed to participate in school events and when a teacher told me I can go potty, that it's totally okay. As for gym, well, I don't take it, but this girl did. So I'm not supposed to go to my classes?

Wait, Anna, slow down on the angry rant! What the hell are you talking about?

Okay, okay...

I attended the school board meeting with my mom and several other people as a concerned citizen. We got there early, held signs that said "Stop the violence, end the silence" and talked to the news about different cases of bullying. After that, we went into the school board meeting.
It was pretty boring, talking about buildings and money. Then, we got to citizen talking.
The first person that stood up was the mother of the girl in the Butler incident.
She talked about her daughter and how her safety was compromised when the super intendent told what school she was being transferred to. Her daughter had permission to go to the bathroom during class and while in there got jumped and stripped. Let it be known that two of the three attackers are still in school with her.
Then I went. I talked about my friend that was raped after school. She had stayed after to help sell Lee memorials from the old building as a Creative Writing fundraiser. Of course, this to was swept under the rug.
Third went another woman with our group. She spoke about the bullying and how she couldn't be pushed down because she was a nobody. Unlike my GSA, they couldn't take any school clubs from her. They couldn't fire her. They couldn't harm her.
Fourth went a man who's son was harmed at recess and the school didn't handle it properly. They let the hurt boy stay hurt without informing the parents.
Lastly went an old woman who demanded that they forget their 'damn buildings' and pay attention to the kids.

After, Wardyinski closed by telling us that the behavior problems had gone down. The only problems left were because the kids weren't where they were supposed to be....
Umm, even then, it's your job to take care of them.
Also, these kids were where they were supposed to be!

Prick.

Getting Sick Sucks

Go figure that I get sick. -.- I get sick so easily that it's not funny.
Sunday I attended a rally for the protests that will be taking place this week in defense of the girl in the Butler incident I have mentioned several times.
I was totally fine then. -,-
Now I've come down with what I think is tonsilitis.
I have a stuffy but runny nose, congested chest and throat, when I take a deep breath, it whistles, I have white spots on my throat, it hurts to cough, but I want to cough up this phlem. ;-; 
I can't even go to the doctor until November first. Not that I want to, I hate the doctor.

It started around Monday, but didn't really hit until Tuesday and Wednesday. Actually, now that I think about it, I was a bit off Sunday night. I kept having to blow my nose.

GSA, School Board, & Fear of Losing Jobs

I started a GSA. We've only had it two weeks before my sponsor told me that she couldn't do it anymore. She has been talking about dropping us, but I didn't think it would be this fast.
She called me out of class to tell me that she was done with it. Apparently someone told her that I posted on my Facebook wall, we were going to talk about our super intendent, Wardyinski. That was all it took to scare her into dropping it.
I never once said that we were going to use a meeting to talk about him. I've actually gotten in touch with a bunch of people to come and talk about LGBTQ things from transgendered people, stonewall, and even local groups that they can help with.
I, however, am going to be attending the school board meeting Thursday to speak out about the injustice in our schools and what should be done about it. I was also on the news last night speaking out against it. People are being beaten in our hallways! Raped, stripped, beaten, even killed and nothing is being done about it.
Teachers are so afraid to have their name in anything. This isn't the first time that she's told me not to do something because she was afraid for her job. I don't understand how my speaking out against the injustice will make her lose her job or even connect back to her, but it doesn't matter.
I was so excited to, now I kind of feel like I'm going to cry. I know a lot of new members that were going to join and I was so happy that I had got what everyone seemed to think would be interesting guests.

I never thought that it could be this much trouble to start a school club. I had to push to get it past the principals, ask every teacher to be a sponsor, and fight all the hate. Kids are afraid to come because students have been talking bad about it. I hear from the kids that do come that people in their class act like it's a joke and talk down on it. Our signs get ripped down and drawn all over. We get lectured when we follow the rules and told that we haven't and now we just don't have a club anymore. Within a matter of minutes.
I don't know what to do, I kind of feel like giving up.