Funerals and Subs On Drugs

I've gone to two funerals this school year and I hope that I don't have to attend another one. The first one, I didn't go to the visitation and it was packed out because it was a kid from our school. It felt like what a funeral should be. Sad and important.
The second one was someone that I knew very well and it felt so weird. We went to the visitation and she was in the coffin with it open, just laying there and looking like she could sit up any moment.
Everyone, and there weren't many people, was sitting around, talking, laughing, and just carrying on like the body of their mom, sister, and friend wasn't right there.
It stayed like that the entire time and it just made me really uncomfortable.
For the actual funeral service the front two pews were barely even stocked. Nobody seemed too upset and the service was mostly music instead of talking about her.
We got to the actual funeral and it took less then five minutes. A preacher said that it was the last time we would see her and it was over. At the other person's funeral, it lasted over thirty minutes with people wanting to put flowers on his grave and say goodbye.
It just felt really eerie...

So, while I'm typing this and trying to gather my thoughts, it's really not working.
I really wanted to organize my mind by writing this, but I can't because I'm in my writing class and I don't have any headphones.
I'm also pretty sure that this sub is on drugs.
He kept interrupting our work to talk about IT. Not IT by Stephen King but IT. When he says it, we don't know anything about what the hell he's talking about. He randomly says, "You don't know me or what I mean."
Other than that, I can't even catch on to what he's saying. It doesn't make any sense. Seriously, I'll type a bit of what he's saying as he says it. Keep in mind, the current context...There is none. We're just sitting around and listening to him talk.
"Let me tell you something right now. There is nothing to make you feel better, well, I don't care if you feel good or not. To make you feel better, there is nothing that you can think of that hasn't been thought of."

"If anyone could bottle or capture it, there is nothing that smells better than a newborn baby. A newborn baby has that smell up unto a year old."
"That smell, a newborn baby. If you ever get a chance to smell a baby, they smell soooo good."

"Yin and yang is yin and yong. Do you know which is which? Which is dark?"

Unto Death Do Us Part & Spiritual Guides

This post is one that I've been needing to write since Monday, but I've been putting it off. I was going to use this as a way to ignore everyone when I finally returned back so school. A safe haven in my writing, but I'm going to go ahead and get it all out now.

Mondays are usually bad, but mine was something to rival hell.
I was actually excited to go to school because I have an after school club called Anime Brigade and I was going to teach it that day. It's something that I could do any day that I want, but it doesn't matter. I enjoy it enough that it's always a pleasant surprise.

Before Anime Brigade, I had Creative Writing though. I love my Creative Writing class. It's always been a safe spot that I can go to and unwind in, but Monday is wasn't. We had to talk to some people and intervene with them and the things that were going on in their class. It wasn't a big deal and we didn't really have a problem, but it left me off centered.
Everything went fine until after school. I went to Brigade, taught my lesson which went over really well and was only fifteen minutes long, and then check my phone. I had a text. "Come outside. I have the baby."
My friend dropped off the little girl that I consider my own at the school. She told me that she would be back to get her around four and for me to just watch her. She didn't come back. So as much as I love my little girl, I lugged her around until I got in touch with mom at five to come get us. Usually I walk home but she's too small to make it all the way back.
While we were at school, I came across one of my friends that looked like she had been crying. Of course, I asked her what was wrong and she told me. Some guy had tried to force himself onto her in the hallway. He almost raped her and she had barely escaped. He ripped her shirt and all of that.
She begged me not to tell and I agreed, but as much as I value trust, as soon as she left, I told a teacher. I did it because her safety was more important to me that her trusting me in the future. She has mentioned kneeing him several times to escape and that worried me. What if he attacked her after school one day because he was mad? I doubt that he had just forgotten. What if he thought that he could get away with more?
We weren't able to get in touch with anyone but the vice principal and he told me to come by his office in the morning.
With that, I got in touch with mom and we left.
I stopped by the house and then prepared to go to my LGBTQ group that I go to every Monday. I only had thirty minutes to get there and of course mom was taking her time. She also wanted to get the baby ice cream and get gas before we got there so I was about twenty minutes late.
As soon as I got there, my friend William whirled me away and started talking about this girl that he was arguing with and all the stuff going on with them. Of course I got drawn into the middle of it and by the end of the night, he had left the group in a rage and promised never to come back. I followed him because it was dark out and I didn't want him out alone in that part of town.
There is still some tension and honestly, I just don't feel like talking about all of it because I like both of them and I don't want to take sides. If I have a side, I don't want to realize it.
The worst part of the day for me was later though. Around 9:30, I was laying on the couch with the baby on my chest and talking on the phone. Dad checked Bonnie, out dog of eighteen years, and she was gone.
Of course we all broke down crying because we loved her and we've had her for so long.
It felt so weird because I wanted to just go in my room, get on the computer, and call my boyfriend like nothing happened, but that felt wrong. It felt wrong to want to act like it was normal when I knew that it wasn't.
I wanted to, but it felt too wrong.
On top of that, I was done crying by Tuesday. I'm still sad and I still look for her, but I can't cry anymore. I can, but I just can't.
It really hurts to hear mom just keep talking about her though. I feel so terrible for feeling like I want to ignore that it happened.
I couldn't fully ignore it though. I wanted closure. So, yesterday I got online and was trying to find some proof for life after death.
It came around to the thought of summoning a spirit to prove it.
Now, this thought has been there for awhile, but Bonnie was a catalyst. I've always been interested in such things, but I'm even more interested now.
I looked at some stuff about spirit guides and I keep getting a flickering image of someone in my head. I can't grasp it, but it doesn't change and it doesn't go away like most images. It's really detailed to.
After all that, some mormons that come by often blessed our house.
It still didn't prevent the weird experience that happened later.
I was on my way to sleep and I saw something. It's hard to explain the angle of my room without something to show you, but it was like someone was standing in the hallway at an angle that I couldn't see. They would bounce in and out of the light several times and I would see the shadow move on my bookcase ans wall. The shadow was about the height of a person, but I never heard any footsteps and nobody in the house was up. I confirmed that this morning. Also, around this time, my mom's dog started whining really loudly from her room like he was scared.
I don't know what happened.